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Let Lily Vent

we're all thinking it. we're all going through some THING.

Playroom. 

She’s smiling but shes crying, cant you see her heart is broken? It’s like her love was stolen. You had her wide open.

Now tears flow. Shes grown.

Reminiscing of her investment.

The time spent with her king.

No, Her prince, because he was yet a boy.

See boys fill voids by toying when they get bored. Single file. Line em up. Compare. Dark skin, light skin, short/long hair.

Hoarder. They keep them all for sentimental value then toss them aside instead of saving their time waiting on the sidelines.

This isn’t elementary school. No closet space to save her for a rainy day. No backpack to stuff her in just in case you want to play. We aren’t on the way to granny’s house.

We aren’t at Granny’s house.
Act one, Scene 2: Granny’s House.

Over the river and through the woods. Granny’s house had a toy room. She gave him a room where she made him keep his trivial novelties far from her fine China.

She knew how destructive he could be. especially since he takes after his daddy.

He takes after his daddy.

Woody was his favorite until he found a new Buzz.He found a new Buzz..

A new- buzz. A new high. A new drug.

So he left it to be drug.

Habits formed young. Just go out have fun. Throw them back in the toy chest when you’re done. Yeah, have two! You don’t just have to have one.

And since you can’t play with both at the same time, where is the marker let’s make a line on the bottom of the foot. You don’t have to share tell them, “don’t touch just look”. Those toys are yours I bought them just for you.

Theres no coincidence that Woody was lifeless in your your presence. Morbid. Watching you float with you new buzz. Buzz isn’t real. It’ll take light years to make it clear. Your buzz isn’t real.

Granny used to say he liked you if he hit you. Love taps. If he broke your toys he was flirting with you. All facts. Okay now Granny, I’m questioning you. Questioning your voice of truth because you never told me if he broke ME what I was supposed to do.

Granny had me sold that these ideologies were the green light for accepting fluke apologies. Picks and teases. The pain and weakness.

So free without you. So “me” without you. So many life lessons learned from looking back at that playroom.

I learned that you’re just a boy and i’m no toy. I’m a princess. An Empress.

Giver of life and all things we believe in. I am light and your darkness can’t hide me. I’m screaming loud now & I can’t be bound now. You cant drown the sound of the steam from my tears as my rays hit the ground now.

Smoke signals forever.

I will be seen and heard. I know my worth.

Excuse me Mister: Fine china doesn’t belong in your playroom.

Collectors items don’t belong in your playroom.

Limited editions don’t belong in your playroom.

Granny taught me to put your nice things away where people can’t mess them up. I’ve been messed up too much. Enough is enough.

Showcase & shelve me. Place me up high. Handle with care. This China doll is no toy and belongs no where near your playroom.

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yeah, or nah?

So, I was talking to one of my closest homegirls about our shopping habits. Which aren’t horrible. Like, we don’t spend a bunch of money on stuff we don’t need… we just spend money on stuff that we need in the moment, but in the long run isn’t gonna last long. Mmkay, lemme explain. I was going through my closet, chucking all the clothes I hadn’t worn in forever & realized that I didn’t have very many pieces that I could keep forever. Closet full of clothes, nothing to wear & the same 10 pieces in rotation. <<–annoying. I noticed the same thing about my jewelry when I was going through my moms jewelry box. She has earrings and necklaces that she has had FOREVER. Literally FOREVER. & I have only a couple pieces that I could keep that long. It got me thinking… I really need to start investing in myself more. Not just buying a shirt from Forever 21 because I need a shirt for the night, but taking that extra step, maybe spending a few more dollars to get a shirt from Nordy’s or New York & Co. if I’m not really feeling Nordy’s fancy. Same with food, no more fast food. If I’m gonna eat out, let’s make it some place worth the time and money. Not that trashy, greasy, yet disgustingly delicious 5 piece & a fry with a strawberry lemonade from Wendy’s… Can you tell i LOVE that meal?!  Any who, it just really started to appear to me that I kinda live in the moment a lot & then look crazy when the shirt washes weird or i’m hungry 2 hours after I eat Wendy’s. & of course those thoughts always go in to something deeper because I think WAY too much… like, what else am I settling on??

Then it got real.–I mean honestly, who wouldn’t rather have a nice Burberry blouse than some random shirt from Forever 21? It will DEF last longer & it ALWAYS looks better. Who wouldn’t rather go have a home cooked meal, or sit down someplace nice to eat? You aren’t rushing & you feel less guilty after.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could have more nice things. That wasn’t an issue. Money wasn’t the issue either. The issue was that I had a habit of saying “yes” to things that I probably could and should actually live without. In more areas of my life than one.

I’ve learned the hard way that your quality of life is directly determined by the things you say yes and no to on a daily basis. Think about it. You know what type of life you want to live, but how often are you settling for McDonalds when you really have a Del Frisco’s appetite? & not because you don’t think you don’t deserve it, you’re just used to instant gratification. We get used to getting what we want, when we want it. & even though it might look like it gets us the outcome we thought wanted in the end, it will never be as fruitful or have as much longevity.  & quite honestly once we realized we settled, we start feeling regret. Right or wrong? How many times have you eaten at Chick-fil-a & thought, “dang, I probably shouldn’t have eaten that.” You just feel heavy. & the extra calories don’t make you feel better either. <<-speaking from experience. lol.

It’s the same with everything else in life. Like when people settle on having just any job & not something that we passionate about, they hate going to work everyday. They’re getting money, that was the goal, but why settle for good when you can have GREAT? When you go on that date, not because you genuinely like ole boy, but because you’re bored and lonely. The food might have been bomb, and free.. lol The movie might have been good, but you just wasted your time and his. The you’re looking crazy when he goes in for a kiss at the end of the date & you really don’t even like bruh like that. lol Now you’re annoyed when he’s blowing your phone up asking for a second date. Nowwwwww you wanna say “nah, I’m good” lol.  It’s just not worth it.

Lately, I’ve been challenging myself to firstly figure out what kind of life I want to live. Before you can choose not to settle, you must first know what you want out of life. I’ve been challenging myself to say “yes” to the things that I know I deserve, the things that make me happy, the things that give me butterflies and make me feel accomplished. I know that saying yes to the right things will help me shape the life I know I was put on this earth to live. We aren’t just life givers, we are life shapers. We have the ability to create the life that we want. Challenge yourself. In your relationships, when homeboy ain’t acting right, really evaluate the things you’re allowing from him. If he needs to be cut, cut him. Say “no”, and focus our attention on the things you should be saying yes to in your relationships. In your spending habits, if you’re trying to get your money right, you might have to say “no” to that new bag, or that girls trip. Say yes to saving & being responsible and you’ll simultaneously be shaping your future in a way that will allow you to travel as much as you want! If you’re trying to lose a few pounds, say yes to the salad and home cooked meals and NOOOOO to the cookies!

We never really realize we’re settling until we look around & back at ourselves and see the all the counterfeit happiness. Whatever you say “yes” today is directly linked to your future.

Remember that.

-XoXo Lily.

 

 

pay up.

STORYTIMEEEEEEE! So it’s October and it’s wedding season.

SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE NEWLY ENGAGED & NEWLY MARRIED COUPLES! Y’all the real MVP’s! Congratulations! 

ANYWHO… I was a bridesmaid in one of my closest friends weddings this month. As expected, I had to put out a few coins for that. No prob, just started budgeting to make this a part of what I was doing for the month. So then comes the wedding. I missed a couple of days of work to help get things together, to actually GO to the wedding, and then to recover, lol. Lord knows I NEEDED to recover. Needless to say, a little more coins went out this month than usual & that’s fine. So, last week I only worked 4 days because I was home for the wedding the week prior, which means my check was a day short.  On top of that, management at my job just informed us that we will no longer be receiving production bonuses, one hour lunches are MANDATORY, and we will no longer be receiving birthday bonuses. All of these wonderful changes are effective THIS month, which just so happens to be my birthday month -_-. That bright idea snatched about $100 from my weekly pay, which is about $400 of my monthly pay. They knew -_-  Listen Linda, that direct deposit hit on Friday & I was like, ohhhh. That’s it? lmbo. So, this brings us to today. I’m sitting here doing my budget for the week and paying bills & you know how we’re supposed to pay 10% of our increase as our tithe? Well, a year or so ago, I heard from God about giving more. So every week I give the same amount which is actually over what my actual tithe would typically be (not bragging or boasting, but there’s a reason why I’m saying this part). As I was about to pay my tithe, I felt some reluctance in me to give what I would usually give. I could hear a little minion voice “oh just give the 10%, you can pocket the rest since your check was shorter this week”. I literally typed in the 10% amount, and before I could even submit, I heard HS say “consistency”. I went back, changed the amount, and gave what I usually gave.

In that moment, I knew I was being tested. I’m believing God for so much right now, seeking direction and guidance on so many things. I know that giving my tithe is not just to fund the church, but it is an outward display of my trust in God. The bible tells us clearly, where you spend your money, that’s where your heart is (Matt 6:21 & Luke 12:34). The things you spend your money on are the things that you value. Giving my tithe is something that I do because I truly trust God with my finances, and more importantly, with my life. Money is something I really just don’t worry about. I know all of my needs are met, and if it’s looking tight, God will always stretch it. You saw what he did with that bread & those fish (Mark 6:41-44)!

I felt like I was tried. That was a sucker move. Here are my issues in this moment:

  1. Giving my tithe is commanded of me, not suggested
  2. God challenged me to a certain amount and I was literally about to go back on my commitment to Him for a few extra dollars.
  3. Going back on my word would have been a slap in the face & showed that I didn’t really trust God.
  4. I wouldn’t even have the money if it weren’t for Him, He comes before everything and I would have NOTHING without Him. (Colossians 1:17)
  5. That few little dollars wouldn’t have really made a difference, and had I kept it I probably would have spent it on something stupid like Chipotle. lmbo

I was reminded of this scripture…

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

– Galatians 6:9

I love it because it’s an instant “getcho life” scripture. I had to remember that God has always proven Himself in my life, especially with favor in the area of my finances, so shortchanging Him would have been DUMBBBBB. I got to thinking about how I my birthday trip to California was PAID FOR by someone else as a gift, my last month’s gym membership was COMPED by the actual gym themselves because they made a mistake, I had been TREATED to lunch and snacks by coworkers a few times over the past week, even thought about how gas was only $1.78 where I live! I count allllll of my blessings. Even the ones that seem small. Every little blessing is an expression of God’s grace and favor. I would be a fool to go back on my end of the bargain, He has YET to make me look foolish.

God is consistent and we are to be reflections of Him. We should be consistent in our love, in our giving, and in our work ethic, just as He is. Consistency breeds a certain level of excellence. Think about your favorite restaurant. Why is it your fave? It’s your favorite because the people are ALWAYS nice, you NEVER have a long wait, and the food is ALWAYS good. That’s consistency. Consistency shows that we are can be trusted, and that we trust the system. It shows that we are worth the investment. I like to think that consistency is a quality that we all should value. Let’s work on that together, okay? OK.

It pays to be consistent, literally.

-XoXo. Lily.

Maybe it’s just me but…

But I’m kinda over the social media perfection people portray.

No one ever talks about their truth. No one ever talks about when things go wrong, or not as planned. No one talks about their disappointments. No one talks about the things they struggle with.. And if they do, they sugarcoat and glamorize it to make it not seem as bad as it was when they were in the mid crying at 3am and had no one to talk to.

I’m over that.

Everyone has moments, seasons, where things just DO NOT go as planned. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m ALL for celebrating your accomplishments. I mean, God is good and He def looks out for His kids, but let’s be real.

I was just sitting here thinking, “How many people would make it out of their struggles sooner if they knew they weren’t the only one going through it”…

More times than not, when we’re going through a tough season in life , we feel like we’re the only one in the world with problems. Everyday it’s “OMG God must be fed up with me because there is NO WAY in heaven or hell that we should be feeling like the scum of the earth”..

I remember I went through the worst transition about a year ago, and I didn’t really talk about it. DUMB… but as people we have a horrible habit of going into isolation when we need help the most. I got laid off my job and had to really trust that God was going to pull me through. I was paying almost $1400 a month in rent, had just bought a new car, and you mean to tell me I don’t have a job?! So who exactly is supposed to pay these bills because… I mean I moved to NC for a reason right? I couldn’t possibly be losing my job! I freaked out a little. Okay, I freaked out a lot. It’s one thing for things to go wrong after you’ve done something wrong. It’s kinda like, okay. Maybe I deserved it. But when you’re doing everything right, and things just get crazy it’s like LORD what the heck is this?!

After the whole drama episode, I talked to one of my homegirls that lives out-of-state, and she literally went through the SAME thing. As she was telling me her story, I’m sitting there in my mind like “OMG ME TOO”.. In the end, we both came out stronger, it wasn’t the end of the world, but just imagine how we could have encouraged each other had we been vocal..

I’m convinced that I’m not here on this earth to be silent. I have a big mouth. I like to talk. Sometimes really loud, sometimes soft enough to really touch someones heart, sometimes stern to show urgency. At the end of the day, whenever I open my mouth or thrash these keys in the middle of the night, I want my words to encourage. I want my words to let people know that we all go through mess. That’s life, but the issues in your life don’t have to dictate who you are. You can cry about a situation and still be strong. Just don’t STAY there in that moment. You can scream. It’s okay. Just don’t STAY there. You can just lay in the bed and stare at the wall. That’s fine. Just be determined to know that each day comes with new grace and mercy.

I’m convinced that a part of being the “light” is to help illuminate the things that we need to change and FIX them. Being the “salt” is to help preserve the good and add a little flavor to life.

Let me be the one to tell you. You are not the only one going through.

IT’S OKAY.

22-24 God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.They’re created new every morning.How great your faithfulness!I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).He’s all I’ve got left.

Lamentations 3:22-23

-Lily XOXO

Curly Bush

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Seasonal Shopping!

Okay, so today is the day after Christmas & anyone who is a shopper knows that today a lot of stores have some really good after Christmas sales. So I figured, I would showcase some of my favorite places to shop & some of my favorite boutiques and online stores.

Breezy’z Boutique

bre-about-1

For some of the cutest clothes and accessories, definitely look into Breezy’z Boutique! They have all the latest fashions at great prices & they don’t get a lot of pieces in double shipments, so you don’t have to worry about walking around in the same outfit as someone else which is ALWAYS a plus!

Female shoppers- very fashion forward- clothes, shoes & accessories for HER. 

Follow Breezy’z: http://www.breezyz.com & @BreezyzBoutique on Instagram

ASVP Clothing Inc.

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I love my fancy! All my dresses and high heels are my loves BUT I love to switch it up & just throw on some Jay’s sometimes.. When I do, ASVP has some of the dopest clothes for great prices & they have AMAZING customer service. You’ll never be disappointed. Tell them I sent you!

Here’s a sneak peak of a shirt I bought from them! SO DOPE!

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Unisex clothing – Streetwear – clothes for HIM & HER.

Follow ASVP Clothing: http://asvpclothing.bigcartel.com/ & @asvpclothinginc on Instagram

Coastal Scents

coastal scents

Okay, anyone that knows me knows I LOVE MAKEUP! Coastal Scents is literally my go-to spot for all things makeup. They have great tools ( I use their brush set), and really good products for AMAZING prices. They are having New Years sale right now, 40% off storewide. Go do yourself a favor & shop!

Cosmetics – For HER

Follow Coastal Scents: http://www.coastalscents.com & @CoastalScents on Instagram

True Glory Hair

true glory

Everyone knows I love my extensions. Idc if it’s sewn in, clip-ins, a wig, I just love some hair. My go-to spot for extensions is True Glory Hair. The hair is ALWAYS bomb & lasts forever as long as you maintenance it correctly. I have some hair that I got about 2 years ago. I’ve dyed it, cut it, installed it twice, and now its on a wig and STILL looks bomb. They always ship out fast & hair isn’t pricey either. Thank me later.

Hair – Extensions – for HER

Follow True Glory: http://www.truegloryhair.net & @TrueGloryHair on Instagram

Hope thee help with some last minute shopping!

XoXo. Lily ❤

year end recap. -part1.

Around this time last year I was preparing for one of the biggest decisions I’ve ever made. I felt like God was telling me it was time to branch out, so I planned a trip to visit Charlotte, NC. This would be my new home.

I was nervous and I kept tying to come up with scenarios in my mind on why it wasn’t God, or why I should stay in Maryland. I questioned leaving my job, leaving my family, leaving my church. The more I tried to come up with reasons to stay home, the more I got pushed into North Carolina.

I hadn’t told anyone anything. I wanted to have everything planned out before I said anything. I didn’t want anyone talking me out of it or making me emotional. I knew the move was for me. Eventually I came across an apartment I was in love with. It was new and fancy and they were having an open house soon. I booked an appointment and decided it was the right time to tell my mom. It was all the way in NC & if ma wasn’t having it, I could have easily just cancelled.
I remember the whole conversation.

“Ma, I’m really thinking about moving to Charlotte after graduation. I found an apartment I like & they’re having an open house next week. I set up an appointment. You can ride if you want.”

“Okay cool! Let’s go!”

Uhm. I’m sorry. That was just WAY too easy. I couldn’t even believe she didn’t fuss or anything. She just said okay.

I asked her was she feeling okay & she said “yup. You’re ready”.

That’s when I really started freaking out.

So, we planned out trip and went down to Charlotte.

✌️
-to be continued.
XoXo. Lily ❤️

…with grace.

whisperso i clock in early at work today and go in the bathroom to freshen my makeup. meanwhile, i hear one of the managers talking trash about me to the other managers and a few of my coworkers. they didn’t really entertain her, but they did let her know that i was there, and right behind her in the bathroom. so i come out of the bathroom & she says “omg i was just talking ___ about you”. I say “i heard you.” & smiled and went about my business. she says ” i didn’t know you were here.” – as if that’s a valid excuse. I say “it’s cool, no worries” & that was that. the way her face dropped was priceless. i know she was looking for me to get real ratchet & pop off, but i didn’t have it in me. all i could hear in my head was “handle everything with grace & class”.  Long story short, she ended up apologizing, and i told her it was really no big deal, i thought nothing of it & started talking to her about nail polish. #ThatWasEasy

———————-

some of the things that happen to me i just kinda sit back and wonder like, where the heck did that come from? like, where in all of my 23 years of life did i sow the seed to reap this trash?? i can’t imagine doing to people some of the things they’ve done to me. i’m not perfect by any means, striving to be the best me everyday, BUT – i love people.

the funny thing is, i can remember all through middle & high school, i would always say ” i hate people.” i had been through so much even by the age of 18, that i deemed myself FINISHED with the human race. clearly, i was completely dismissing my purpose in life.

sometimes i CANT STAND being the bigger person, but anyone that knows me will tell you i have this uncanny ability to handle awkward situations. i can be feelings a million different ways on the inside, but i’m just good at handling challenging situations with grace. you treat me like trash, i’ll forgive you and move on like nothing ever happened. why? because i’ve learned what unconditional love is.

the thing that trips me out about God is that He loves me. He just does. He loves me in despite my flaws and shortcomings. He loves me when i’m doing stupid stuff, or when i’m making great decisions. he loves me when i don’t talk to him for a couple days, and He loves me when I do. His love doesn’t change. everyone should be able to experience that whether they have an encounter with God themselves, or an encounter with Him through me. when people leave my presence, i want them to know they were just around someone who genuinely cared.

i’ve learned that you never know what people are going through. you never know why people do the things they do. one thing i do know is that hurt people hurt people, so there’s a 99.9% chance that its not personal. i’ve chalked it up that whatever people do to attempt to offend me has NOTHING to do with me and it’s my responsibility to show love REGARDLESS.

graceful.

xoxox Lily.<3

noise.

there’s no noise loud enough to deafen the ears of God to your deepest desires.

XoXo. Lily.

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